Important Twins series starts; Sox do not notice

I had hope.

I really did. I really, truly, honestly believed the Sox would open this series on a good, strong footing. The Twins were lacking punch lately, and while the Sox weren't faring that much better, they were still in the driver's seat. Oz called out Javy Vazquez, telling him to man up and pitch lights out. The players sounded relaxed and ready. I even penned a letter to the Sox, showing my loyalty and support, and how I'd be behind them no matter what happened over these next three days.

But then I realized how stupid that sounded, and how the Sox would most likely just get swept and piss me off in the process.

And they got off to a great start with that whole getting swept thing. They didn't just back into it. They didn't pussyfoot around the issue. They didn't even tease us with a good start and blow it. No sir, they flat out grabbed the whole "let's embarrass ourselves" thing from the start, gouged out it's eyes, and skullfucked it.

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. I could start by ripping on Javy Vazquez, how he chose the worst possible game of the season to do his usual suck job. How he didn't make it past the 4th inning. How he made Jason Fucking Kubel look like Josh Hamilton. How he seemed so unmoved after the game.

I could rip the offense as a whole, for generating 6 fucking hits in the entire game with ONE coming after the fifth inning.

I could rip AJ, how he flat-out sullied the catcher position by getting abused on the basepaths. How he killed a bases-loaded situation by grounding out with the score a somewhat managable 5-1.

I could rip Junior for his clutch 2nd inning double play. Or is clutch 9th inning homer that put window dressing on this god-awful train wreck. Next time Griff, you might want to hit your second homer as a White Sox before your 37th game.

I could rip the sorry bullpen. How Clayton Kerosene took all those good vibes from his Yankee Stadium start last week and threw it out the window. Or maybe I could rip Boone Logan for doing his best Boone Logan impression. On second thought, I won't rip on poor Boone. He's special.

This was just a flat-out ass kicking. A beatdown. A bloodletting. The most important game of the season so far, and this is what we get. A bed-wetting, tuck-your-sack-back choke job. All this talk of being ready, of knowing the importance of this series, of telling everyone how great it would be to sweep the Twins and clinch in Minnesota. Nice try, ass clowns.

As much as I am tearing into these chumps, I must give credit where it is due. The Twins were awesome tonight. Scott Baker pitched like a big boy is supposed to in September. Javy should be forced to trade contracts with him after tonight. Somebody earned big money tonight and it wasn't some guy named Vazquez. The Twins offense did their best White Sox impression, hitting 3 big homers. They played great defense, ran the Sox ragged on the basepaths, outhit, outpitched, and outeverythinged the White Sox. They simply wanted it more.

Which just makes the rest of the series even more frightful. All the swagger and momentum are on the Twins side. And the Sox? They're like a nervous lap dog that just shakes and pees all over itself. Beat that dog enough, and he'll cower in the corner and won't fight back. In a nutshell, that's the team I root for. That's the team I'm going to follow instead of playing with my pet cougar. Because I am a fucking idiot.